CLUSTERFUCK WEB SERIES S01E06 – THE GRAND DESIGN


– It’s the dumbest fckin’
thing I’ve ever heard. – It’ll work, though. It’ll work. – Why’re you snooping in her phone? – I wasn’t snooping in–
– You’re a creep. – Fine, but I wasn’t
snooping in her phone, okay. I just– I saw and I– It’s different. – No, it’s not different. – I would say it’s different. – Why do you take advice from this guy? – Ow. – Where has it gotten you? – Well, pretty close. – Maggie, you just can’t wrap your head around the grand design, okay? – You’re telling him
to crash a girl’s date. How’s that gonna help him at all? – Well, I didn’t say crash
a date, I said that he needs to show up to the date with another date, holding hands or something
like that, could make sense. – Get– no. – Come on, Maggie. – Why? No, why on earth would I do that? – To help a friend. – Please? – That doesn’t seem right. Does that seem right to you?
– No, not really. – Okay, then what the fck? – I don’t know, I was
like this close, okay I can’t just stop now,
I have to do something. I can’t just let her slip away. – Fine.
– Fine? – Yeah. – Fine, yes? Maggie. – Don’t, don’t–
– Maggie, Maggie! – Do that!
– Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! – Get off me! – Thank you. – Yeah, you’re welcome. We can go and she can
see us holding hands, because you’re in high
school and you’re taking me wherever I want to go for dinner. – Wherever you wanna go for dinner. Okay, I gotta go home and
shower and buy a shirt and can you pick me up? – Buy a shirt?
– Buy a shirt. That’s nice, that’s cute. I’m teaching him well. – Why do you orchestrate
this sh__ for him? – Who says it’s for him, Maggie? (car engine running) – This is a good shirt, right? Like this is a bowling shirt. – Yeah, it’s spectacular. – You look fcking amazing. That’s perfect. Like that’s– – What’s the game plan? – They just see us
holding hands, nonchalant and then we can get out of here. – That’s good. Don’t you think that if she sees us she’s gonna wanna say hello? – Oh fck, right.
– [Maggie] Oh fck. – Okay, we should have something planned. Okay, if they talk to us, then we’ll just tell them we’re going to dinner, together. – We are going to dinner. We’re in an Legato, sugar daddy. – That’s a little bit– (moans reassuringly)
(sighing) – But we can tell them that
we’re going to that sh__hole over there which explains why
we’re in this parking lot. – Oh, perfect. That’s perfect, you’re perfect. (exhales) – There she is. – Who the fck is that? – I’m guessing that’s Ashley. – Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, hey hey, hi. Hey guys! Hey, hey, hi! What’re you– what’re ya doing here? – Hey Brian. Maggie. – Hi Vanessa. We are– yeah. – Ashley, Brian. Maggie, Ashley. – Put it there. – Nice to meet you. – Nice to meet your, brother. – Maggie. – Pleasure, Ashley. – Ashley. – We’re going bowling, what’re you– Well what– what are you guys doing? – We’re trying to cross–
– We’re gonna go bowling Yeah. – Nice.
– Perfect, right. – That’s good, you brought
your bowling shirt. – Love pineapples. Double date? – Great! – Can I help you with that?
– Yes. – The fck’s the matter with you? – Things are different. Okay, I had to improvise. – Why because he’s a dude? – Because he’s that dude. – Ow.
– Let me make that better. – At least before when I
thought that it was a woman, a woman is like empirically
different from me. That guy’s just– – He’s better. – Don’t say it! – Thank you, Prince Charming. – I have my moments. – I’m gonna go get 80 beers. (rock music) – Can I get a pitcher of the house draft and five shots of whiskey, please. – Do you want light, dark, ho– We don’t have a house
draft, it’s just like two beers.
– I– that red knob there, just pull it and I’ll
take whatever comes out. – Okay, cool and you want whiskey? – Yes, please, five shots. – Like scotch or like–
we have scotch whiskey. – Just rail whiskey, whatever you got. – Do you want– just the cheapest one? – Honestly, just grab the
closest bottle and start pouring and I’ll be happy. – Because we have one that you can get. It’s like way better, but it’s like not that much more expensive, so. – Just the cheapest whiskey
that’s in arms reach and then– – Five? – Yes, please. – Okay. You want five? – Five please. – But there’s four of you. – Yup, I’m just gonna take
care of this one real quick. (energetic hip hop music)
(bowling pins falling) – Yeah, you know me, Red. – I gotchu, pineapple shirt. – Yeah, you got it. (energetic hip hop music) (laughing heartily) – Yeah, she’s so– it’s such an ugly name. – I think you’re good, man. – Oh no, no, I’m fine. – No, no, I think, guy– I
think you’re fckin’ great. – I’ve been sharing, though and we’re friends.
– I think you drank all of this literally just now. (energetic hip hop music) (energetic hip hop music)

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